Hidden Self-Injury Tools

I thought this was really interesting as this type of thing happened in my life but I never get hospitalized

Tales of a Crazy Psychology Major

I should preface this post by mentioning that I don’t feel self-injury is inherently bad, it can be helpful so I find efforts of others to prevent me from doing it frustrating. You might with to read my other post about self injury first.

When I began self-injuring I also began hiding tools to accomplish it. This way I would always have access should I feel the need. Safety pins were hidden in most articles of my clothing. I had a pencil case filled with razor blades and bloody gauze.

In my first hospitalization I secretly brought in a safety pin. A small item I impulsively decided to hide when I realized what was happening. Turned out this was unnecessary.

They did an awful job of searching my things. When my searched bag was handed to me the first thing I did was open a compartment and pull out a…

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Suicide savior

Well oh my god. I got that message today you know the one where you get so happy you think you could die. I got told today that I had saved someone’s life. I had helped them when they were down and when they were to scared to move on they found my video and decided to keep swimming on in life. I think it’s amazing when someone can decide to stay alive even when all forces are telling them to give up. I don’t really know what it is about me that makes people so opt to telling me stuff but they do. I have saved more then one life but each time it’s a new thrill a new reason for me to stay. I can relate to all the people who feel that way because I have. I’m the girl who nobody likes. The one everyone spreads rumors about. The one people pass in the hallways and push. The one who gets told that my family would be happier if I died. I know that In pictures I look like a happy person but looks are deceiving. A smile can be faked. And emotions can be pushed down until everything’s faked. 

Yours now, mine later

I know it’s awful what I’m doing is really bad! I’m talking to another girls property. Her boyfriend. I know that’s called home wrecking I get that!! Trust me I really do. I feel so bad about it but I can’t help it. You don’t freaking deserve him he is way to good for you. He loves you so much but your to blind. He try’s to talk to you but you can’t get the information he’s trying to say past your thick skull. So if he ever decides he likes me better and then you decide that you love him. Don’t expect him back becuase if I get him I’m never letting him get out of my reach

Old guy, new butterfly’s

It’s such a complicated mess. Liking a guy that is. I once liked this boy a long long time ago, fifth grade, he was perfect for me and he was my first real middle school crush. He was taller then me and he had blonde hair. I really liked him but he didn’t like me the same way.

       Four year later

I’m now in the summer of going into tenth grade, and yet again this boy is back in my life after not seeing him for four years. Oh what a surprise the butterfly’s come back. I hate when you think that your over a guy and your not even close to it. It’s kind of like a really bad break up except that you haven’t even gone through the relationship yet. Anyways it really sucks and I wish that we could just go out already but there’s so much drama that would be involved.

         list of the drama

🔹His sister is my friend.

🔹If we broke up we would see each other all the time and it would be awkward.

🔹What if he doesn’t like me the same way.

🔹We wouldn’t be able to see each other alot because he doesn’t drive yet.

🔹 our relationship might ruin mine and his sisters friendship.

Things I hate

When people don’t text back

When my mom gets mad at me for no reason

When my mom makes plans for me to do stuff then complains about having to drive me. that’s always the best.

People who chew with there mouths open.

When guys try to pressure me into stuff.

People asking me for nude pictures.

Getting emotionally close to people.

Not having friends.

When I don’t have a boyfriend and everyone asks me if I do. And the. When I do nobody ever asks. pisses me off to no extent.

Hair catastrophe

So I guess everyone has a bad haircut experience. My mom had hers twice. Once the week of prom where she got a perm and it burned all her hair off and then when she got a mullet on accident. But mines so much worse. I have my prom on Thursday and so I though of ill get my hair cut for prom so I search through tons of pictures and I find the perfect one. It’s Ashley bensons short hair. I went to the salon to get it cut and I wound up with a choppy Edward scissor hands type bob. I hated it so much. So today I went to my moms car and cried that they had cut off half a foot of my hair. My mom went back in and wanted my money back since I had paid for it myself. After a large hassle they finally have back my money but only after they tried to give me three free haircut coupons which weren’t even free they were still $3.99. So today I went to go get my hair fixed and I guess it looks better but I’m still upset that my hair is now incredibly short. I hate me with short hair it’s horrible!! 😡😡😡😡 I will never go back to great clips to get my hair done again so please beware if you go to great clips or super clips your hair will be messed up and you will hate it. So in the long run paying to go to a place that charges a little bit more is really worth it.

Just another girl??

I want a relationship like the ones in the movies. I want one where the guy actually loves me and where I love him. I want that empty feeling in my heart to go away and to be filled with love. I just want to not feel so sad and alone. I want I want I want that’s all that comes out of my mind and I wish it wasn’t only that I wish I could say I need. As in I need you here right next to me right now. I want a guy I already know I want a guy who I don’t know who I can get to know and love. I want that feeling of being loved and needed but I guess I won’t get that because nobody wants just another girl. I don’t want to be a one night thing I want to be a permanent thing. And if we fight you better not think that’s the end because it’s not were gonna work that shit out and make it all okay. We won’t be just another couple we would bethat couple.

Ugly or not easy

Why don’t guys like me what am I just that abnormal or am I repulsive. I just don’t get it what makes people find other people attractive, because whatever the secret is I want in. Is it the way the talk or the way they walk? I don’t think it’s the way they walk because I know way to many girls who walk like penguins and unless we have evolved from penguins or the person has sexual fantasies about a penguin it’s not attractive. Ok I guess I’m being a bit harsh but honestly what is it?! I know I’m not the typical girl. I’m homeschooled but that’s besides the point. I get told I’m pretty all the time by people ! Yes some are my family. But I wonder what really makes boys want to date you? Is it all about looks or are there some decent guys out there who really do want girls for there personalities and not just as a quick hook up.

The girl in the picture

I know lying is never good but hear me out it was to get the guy! And I did get him but then I lost him… I wound up falling for a friend and he didn’t have the same feelings as I did. I wound up leaving him but I thought hey maybe if I explain why I left maybe he would forgive me, but no that wasn’t the case at all! It wound up never going back to normal. So like any crazy teen girl with there first love I wanted him to love me back. So I made a fake account which is where the mess all started. I made this fake account and followed him on a social network site. And at first I was like omg now I can follow him without him knowing it! And in my little head I didn’t think that was weird but now I totally find it creepy. Anyways he followed me back like a month later after I completely forgot about it. When he commented on my photo I freaked and Immediately wanted to talk to him more. I was completely going back to how I had tried to not feel for the past nine months. I made him fall for this girl who was me just with a different face. I wound up doing what I hated most which is lying. I hate lying because it makes everything worse, but it made him talk to me so I though how bad can it be? I finally decided to tell him it was me and he freaked. He wound up calling me all sorts of horrible names. It broke me honestly it did it broke me so badly. I was already broken but I had healed over that nine months and then he was back and he broke me worse then I had ever been broken. I loved him and he obviously felt nothing for me. He hurt me in a way I thought I was to strong to feel. I had let my guard down because I thought maybe he would except me for me. But nope he didn’t he only wanted the girl in the profile picture. That’s all he ever wanted. He never wanted me.